Daily Readings 102. Swamiji gives marriage relationship advice.

Taken from Mother Radha’s notes, written at Swamiji’s feet.

Excerpt from Meditation and Spiritual Life by Swami Yatiswarananda: You are not there [in the marriage] to please someone else – you must work in conjunction with dharma [righteousness, what is spiritually correct].

Swamiji: Divorce willingly – yes. Divorce unwillingly – no. [Please take care and note that this may well have been intended for a specific devotee].

Reading: If you are sincere on holy days then everything is sorted out. If the wife complains bitterly and still lives with him – or vice versa – then it is not that bad after all. If you keep being spiritual then truthfulness must come. Wife and husband is a very sacred relationship. From the beginning you must moderate all things together.

Swamiji: If the wife wants to go to her mother’s house every week, the husband may not want her to come back from there. I look at the weakness and the strength of the mind. You get both in every house.

Reading: If the wife does wrong, the children will always take the easy choice.

Swamiji, humorously: [Referring to Lord Shiva and Mother Parvati]: I do not know about that – Shiva used to go to the forest and his wife used to follow.

Reading: Marriage must be a bond of love, enlightening love. Lust is blind, but never love. Love today is lust come out of the West. Love really is divine. It comes out of the East, bhakti [devotion]. Seeing God is bhakti, other things are desires.

Swamiji: The lamp can itself never want to be the sun, which gives perfect light. If a woman can persuade a man to leave his mother and father, surely she can lead him towards God? In laziness there must be non-cooperation with the husband. If he does not want to go to satsang [prayer service], say, ‘You take me to satsang, I will not go without you.’ Especially if you’re going to the ashram or temple. The wife must not say, ‘I will drive and go by myself.’

Swamiji continues advising on dharmic [righteous] behaviour for married couples: I never allow a married man to drive with another woman in the front seat, unless it is his mother or sister. If someone knocks on the door and the husband says, ‘Go and see who is there,’ the wife must tell the husband to go instead. Tell your husband you are not going to satsang [religious or prayer service] without him. Say, ‘If you don’t come, I’ll fast [i.e. not eat food]. I am following religion.’ You will see what happens – there will be a change. But how many of you do that? None.

Reading: Cultivate good habits in early life. Meditate and work at regular times, whether you feel inclined or not.

Swamiji: You may still have indecision but do not let little things worry you. Only you and God know about your indecision. Push it out straight away. You must have the ability to control even good thoughts – that is real religion.

Reading: A good husband listens to his wife, puts it on the scale of decision and arrives at the conclusion that is highest.

Swamiji: The husband who bullies is an evil thing, just as a wife that bullies is an evil thing. Holy Mother Sri Sarada Devi said that a harsh truth should never be told.

Reading: Marriage is give and take. You must truthfully do what is best for that time, though it may appear wrong. You may have to keep quiet for a time. You must both decide together. But if the husband
or the wife wants to please someone else, this leads to problems. If you decide together, it goes right.

The spiritual feeling itself will transform the husband and wife. Do not pull each other. There is a higher duty. In olden times the wife used to worship the husband as a symbol of God. She worshipped him and he went for tapasya [austerity, self-denial]. This led to satti [the outlawed practice of self-immolation by the widow on the funeral pyre of her husband]. If the husband got moksha [spiritual liberation, enlightenment], the wife got it too. Spirituality brings understanding – not the other way around. He called her ‘Mother’ and she called him ‘Guru.’ There was no divorce, no going back to the mother’s house.

[Sw.S] No one can kick his wife and get God-realisation; because the mark is still on him. The evil part is when the husband encourages the wife to do wrong. If the husband is 100% spiritual the wife is disappointed sometimes. But if you are an evil man how can you make her spiritual? Do not turn your
wife into an imitation.

Every time Sri Ramakrishna wanted to teach Swami Vivekananda, he would say, ‘Please read this part of the Ramayana [a Hindu scriptural epic] to me.’ But how many husbands or wives say, ‘Read the Ramayana to me?’ or, ‘Please explain the Bible to me, if you love me.’ Use psychology.

My Guru [Swami Nischalananda Puri] used to look at me and say, ‘Go, and enjoy yourself.’ Later he would say, ‘Where did you go?’ I’d say, ‘I went to visit this auntie or that uncle.’ But I later realised that ‘enjoy yourself’ means: Go and meditate on your Self [the higher Self] and enjoy it there.

Sri Ramakrishna said, ‘Think of this [meaning himself] and no intoxication [attraction or other influence] will disturb you.’ Sri Ramakrishna said, ‘To a pure mind nothing is impure.

Someone asked Latu Maharaj [Swami Adbhutananda], ‘Why is Sri Ramakrishna so sick?’ Latu said, ‘He is playing. He is in nirvikalpa samadhi [a non-dual superconscious state] even when he is sick. He is testing us. You may not understand, but a great mission is starting now to remove man’s sins.’

Underlined words are hypertext links to clarification, explanation or other sources. Just tap on them.

The free-to-read or download, 396-page Flipbook version of Swamiji’s biography, ‘A Life Lived For Others‘, is available by clicking HERE. If you’d prefer the PDF version, please click HERE.

For our gurubhai Atmaprakash Kramer’s beautiful pictorial ‘memoir’ booklet of the Ramakrishna Centre of South Africa, Avoca Ashram, please click HERE.

There’s also a Facebook site for Swamiji’s posts now. They feature newer readings published more recently. Click HERE to view.

These recordings or the excerpts from them, were made from the early 1970s onward, by Mother Radha, a close devotee of Swamiji’s and edited for uploading here by our gurubhai and her son, Brother Tim. Please be mindful that what Swamiji was saying may have been specific to those with him at the time.