Swamiji gives marital advice. Talk Excerpt 189.
From Mother Radha’s notes, written at Swamiji’s feet.
Cultivate good habits in early life. Meditate and work at regular times, whether you feel inclined or not. [From a book by Swami Yatiswarananda]
You may still have indecision but do not let little things worry you. Only you and God know about your indecision. Push it out straight away. You must have the ability to control even good thoughts – that is real religion.
A good husband listens to his wife, puts it on the scale of decision and arrives at the conclusion that brings the highest good. The husband that bullies is evil, just as a wife that bullies is evil.
[Holy] Mother Sarada [Devi] said that a harsh truth should never be told.
Marriage means give and take. You must truthfully do what is best for that time, though it may appear wrong. You may have to keep quiet for a time. You must both decide together. But if the husband (or the wife) wants to please someone else, this leads to problems. If you decide together, everything goes well.
The spiritual feeling itself will transform the husband and wife. Do not pull each other down. There is a higher duty.
In olden times the wife used to worship the husband as a symbol of God. She worshipped him and he went for tapasya [austerities]. This led to satti, the dedicated wife. If the husband got moksha [liberation from the cycle of birth and rebirth, the wife got it too. Spirituality brings understanding – not the other way around. He [the husband] called her ‘Mother’ and she called him ‘Guru.’ There was no divorce, no going back to the mother’s house.
No one can kick his wife and get God-realisation; because the mark is still on him. The evil part is when the husband encourages the wife to do wrong. If the husband is 100% spiritual, the wife is disappointed sometimes. But if you are an evil man how can you make her spiritual? Do not turn your wife into an imitation.
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These recordings were made from the early 1970s onward, by Mother Radha, a close devotee of Swamiji’s and edited for uploading here by our gurubhai and her son, Brother Tim. Please be mindful that what Swamiji was saying may have been specific to an individual or a group of people with him, at the time.